25, Nanny McPhee and the Big Bang

Family Fun time, Easter is here and the run of kids films commences.....From memory the first film was funny so does this sequel live up to the hype?

Not to begin with.

Set during the first world war the film revolves around a mum with 3 kids who's husband is at war. With the snotty cousins on their way over from London to escape the bombs we are faced with 5 kids, a struggling mum, a ditzy old shopkeeper and her military copper husband, a farmer, a money grabbing uncle, a moody war office official, 2 slightly odd debt collectors, a wart ridden nanny and a bomb.

Those that have seen the original know the plot, 5 rules - Nanny's looks improve each time the kids take a step in the right direction. Happy Ending.

In comparison the kids in this are no way near as good as the ones first time out - They were more scheming, more obnoxious, far from annoying and basically like you wanted to be at 11. To top it off the lead kid in the first film is the only actor responsible so far for bringing a lump to my throat during a film (Airport Scene in Love Actually!! - SHUT UP - you loved it too!!) The problem is that the new kids start out as annoying, irritating and boring and for me this was the whole outset of the film until the pigs escaped. Then it started to get funny.

Very funny.

don't expect ground breaking CGI here but synchronised swimming and tree climbing by piglets was cute and had my 6 year old in stitches. Maggie Smith sat in a cow pat, Bill Bailey discussed intelligent pigs and Katie Brand played a blinder as a slightly mental psycho. Ryhs Ifans was smarmy, Ralph Feinnes was rude and Ewan Mcgregor stars in his shortest cameo EVER!!! so the names are there for the British talent and without them it would have died on its arse.

Maggie Gylennhall was her usual standard self - she is not impressing and I fail to see why she's famous - Her brother does a better job on screen but both lack charisma, my only hope is that his upcoming portrayal of the Prince of Persia is good as I am loving the games - but moving off point - back to McPhee.

The star as always is the writer and lead, Emma Thompson. Ugly, Hairy, Overweight she improves as the film progresses but given the choice, even in her best state I would take Mary Poppins every time!!

Two Characters make it into the sequel from the original, Nanny McPhee is a given but the 2nd only becomes apparent at the very end and I'm not going to spoil it.

It starts slow - get better and end quickly. Kids will love it but considering its not been that long the cinema was only 1/4 full - the lure of Training Dragons proved too much for some people!!!

Worth a watch? - for the kids maybe but for adults, skip it and watch Kick-ASS!!

See this if...............you can handle being DRAGGED!!

24, Shutter Island

When you think of Scorsese you think Casino, Goodfellas, Raging Bull...the list goes on and on but its been 3 years since his last proper film and his last directorial outing was a Rolling Stones documentary so what was the master of the mobster thriller going to present me today, A Horror as I thought it would be?, No. A Gritty Cop Drama?, Uh. No. A Comedy - PLEASE!!...So what is Shutter Island??

It starts with a boat appearing from the fog carrying 2 FBI agents heading for Shutter Island to solve the mystery of a missing mental patient / inmate. For the first 20 minutes or so you think it is any other dated, old school, fedora based FBI Drama. Set in 1954 it follows DiCaprio as an ex WW2 vet who witnessed more than his fair share in the Nazi death camps where as the American Troops, saved Jews from the Germans.

Then it gets all weird.

With sporadic musical interludes that would look at home in a 60's hammer horror movie it mighty weird!! I WANT to tell you then end but its got that "Sixth Sense" factor where if I do spill the beans it will be spoilt for ever and now I've seen it I wont watch it ever again. Not because its bad but I don't see the point now I know the ending.

It does not have that appeal of an Action Blockbuster and its not violent enough for a prison drama. Its got no humorous traits and will be in the "2 for £10" bin at HMV before the end of the Summer Holidays, so why see it?

Because you never really know until the end whats going to happen. Its not scary, jumpy or gross, however if you have daughters under the age of 10 it may be slightly upsetting to watch due to some of the scenes but its all part of the plot. There are flashbacks that occur randomly but believe me...it does all make sense at the end.

I went through 3 phases in this film, trying to work it out.
1st Third - I thought it was very Bugsy Malone meets Shawshank.
2nd Third - I was CONVINCED it was copying the Wicker Man (watch it to see why)
3rd Third - It had "Sixth Sense" written all over it - but NO - He's not dead!!!

It wont make you laugh, it wont make to scared - in fact it wont make you anything - you will watch it, get confused by it, work it out and then say - That was okay. And that's it - It was okay.

DiCaprio, as normal, still looked too young for the part he played, Ex WW2 vet turned FBI father of 3 - still looked 21 years old!!! He is becoming the Mr Michael J. Fox of the Noughties!!

Do you still want to see it? its worth one view - after that, like me you wont see the point in watching it again. Its a standard film with a massive twist - don't panic - I'm not giving it all away.

See this if................You're bored of predictable plots.

23, Green Zone

There is no messing about with this one - The action starts about 15 seconds in and pretty much does let up throughout its entirety. It is non-stop from the get-go and as you know is set in Iraq, 4 weeks after the 1st shock and awe insertion by the coalition forces. The Scene, Saddam has fled and his generals are in safe houses scattered around the city. Damon is part of the WMD team (Weapons of Mass Destruction) and they are following Intel to find the hiding spots but each time coming up empty handed, Damon's frustrations at constantly being sent on wild goose chases become apparent and lead him to seek answers in the form of CIA agent Marty and a New York reporter.

That's It. What plays out is the fact that America should have never invaded and the whole war was started because of a fabricated statement.

So, That's about as "GMTV" as I am going to get. Plot explained so, onto the cast. I think that with every film Matt Damon just gets better and better. He is Ace in Bourne, Cool in Oceans & even back to the early days of Dogma he manages to hold up as a leading actor. Mad Eye Moody plays the CIA Agent Marty exceptionally well and there is an unexpected performance from Mr Malfoy, Jason Isaacs.

Geg Kinnear plays a blinder as Poundstone, The US Military Suit who is pushing for the return of a new regime and turns out is the key to the whole war.

Is it political - maybe, most definitely. A Film openly stating the war was unjust and should never of happened, based on one mans lies to crack an infrastructure and bring a new order. But WHAT A FILM!! The camera is with the soldiers from the start and is jerky for realism but you really get the feel of being part of the action. It's a good old, down to earth war film for the modern era. Current, Important, Beautifully acted and definitely one to watch.

I'd watch it again tomorrow, and again and again.

See this if.............No Excuses (only being under 15!)

22, Alice in Wonderland (3d)

It's been a while !!! Sorry there is no Wolfman or From Paris with Love - Time got the better of me.

So, it's back to PG kids flicks and another Burton masterpiece?? sort of...

As you all hopefully know, this is not a re-make. Its a sequel to the original. in 3d. By Tim Burton and his usual suspects and its a down to earth, non-scary kids film that they will love!!! I heard the animation was great but the plot was confusing.Uh NO!! Its a no brainer.

Plot Spoiler - Alice (13 years on) believes Wonderland is only a dream, she has no actual recollection of being there, so when she goes back (about 10 minutes into the movie so no hanging around) she believes she is dreaming, one thing leads to another, she discovers its real and has been summoned back as the White Queens Champion to Defeat the Red Queens Champion and win the crown back for the White Queen - kept up ?, Good. The Hatter (Depp) and March Hare (CGI) are the best characters by far but Matt Lucas as Both Dum & Dee Twins is very funny, Stephen Fry as the Cat is good but keep an eye out for Peggy Mitchel as a Mouse, not expecting that one!! Bonham-Carter as usual heads the female cast with Anne Hathaway playing the younger, more attractive sibling, The White Queen to Carter's Red One. Chess Pieces vs. Playing Cards make up the army and the "hero" is the sword, wielded by Alice. Simples!!!

There are NO Spiders (to my daughters delight) & NO Jumpy bits. It deserves it's PG rating and for a Burton Film, pretty normal.

The £d Animation is great, Avatar is better but on the whole, "Wonderland" is very well done, slightly run-down due to bad Queen management but that's to be expected. Bonham-Carters character is funny throughout and the effects for her head are good. Keep an eye out for "Back to The Future" George McFly and for the adults, spot the voice overs - I got them all but Timothy Spall.

No Bad remarks - Standard Kids film. fine for a Sunday.

See this if.................you wondered how the original "could" have ended.

21, Valentines Day

RIGHT - now lets get this straight from the word go. Brits do Rom Com's BRILLIANTLY, no argument - We are the nuts at it. Mr Curtis and his likely brew of Brit Spawn do this genre better than anyone else. Love Actually - AWESOME!! (not Gay, LOVED IT!) so, below is a brief explanation of Valentines Day.

Group of people living their lives over a 24 hour period - different stories but all connected...Sound Familiar??? OF COURSE IT IS!!! We did it years ago!! and we were 10times better!!

Don't get me wrong - there are good bits - and one in particular but basically its and American "Love Actually"

The WHOLE plot surrounds Ashton Kutcher and Jennifer Garner his bezzie mate (BFF)- excuse the Yankee terminology, getting all colonial on this one. Between these two the rest of the cast are somehow loosely connected with their own stories and issues / dilemma's.

They have thrown as much Hollywood class at this as they can......too name a few, Kutcher, Garner, Hathaway, Alba, Biel, Roberts, McLain, The hotel manager from Pretty Woman, Foxx, Dempsey, Queen Latifa (Love Her), Taylor Swift, The Werewolf from Twilight and Cheryl Cole (Sorry, not Cheryl Cole but my daughter said I had to put it in!!)

And does it work......Uhhh - NO!. Its Slow, Predictable, Dull. It lacks the comedy element - Its America gone all romantic - staying politically Fuc*ing correct as not to offend as NORMAL and it just does not make for a good film.

However...........

There are a few shining moments. Kutcher & Garner getting together is a given but worth the wait. The part of Anne Hathaway as the cool secretary / Phone Sex girl is the funniest bit, Taylor Swift playing a dizzy blond American high School kid is hilarious and the "Ahhh!" factor comes when you realise what Julia Roberts connection to the plot involves - No spoiler here - its worth watching, Because it's so DAMN SWEET - Bloody Americans - got a lump in my throat!! Hee Hee.

My favourite bit......wait until after the 1st set of Credits - there are outtakes!! to be fair not on the same scale as those in a Jackie Chan film but..... Ashton Kutcher having Seat belt issues gets old after the 5th time but Julia Roberts in the Limo - PAY ATTENTION !! If you are a self respecting female over the age of 25 and DO NOT pick up the Pretty Woman line (not saying what it is on here - watch it) and say it out loud before Julia does you deserve to be Shot - My Wife got it straight away - Full Respect Renee!

For a film I did not really like I have wrote an awful lot but Heck (Americanisms again!) there were some good bits, any and movie that can pull together so many top names deserves a little more page space.

Love Actually it is not but nether the less, if you are married, engaged, dating or merely shagging then when this hits DVD get it out (the DVD that is!!) and have a giggle - if not for Taylor Swift being a total barbie then for Jessica Biel - Still hot (sorry Ren xx)

See this if.............all you need is Love !! (Da Da Dah!)

20, Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief

Fantasy Adventure with the Gods. Sounds Awesome. I, like many other males in my "early" 30's alas do not read books. Not can't read, but don't read! so again its a movie from a book that I have no understanding of!!! But is that a good thing? - no preconceptions, no illusions of grandeur, just open mindedness. and with that was I impressed.....Yes.

Okay, it was cool. The main 3 are not too famous, yet. (that I know of.) But that wasn't a bad thing. They were cool, funny and came across well. The Hollywood "A" listers were there, all cameo roles, Bean, Thurman, Brosnan - all well cast and brilliantly acted - (spot Tommy from Train Spotting as Poseidon!! Cracking!)

So the plot - Demigod's, every one of them. Living and training in Camp Half Blood. Unknown by their parents (Gods) who visited earth for a quick bunk up with Humans, leaving a single parent children growing up with the ability to kick ass! One of them steals Zeus's Lightning Bolt, Jackson is blamed - he is innocent and sets out to clear his name - The best bit by far was Steve Coogan as Hades with a hot wife and Hell as his front garden - loved that bit!! and he was funny.

Uma Thurman's part is short lived but extremely well done as Medusa, Awesome Hair! and Pierce Brosnan as a Horsey Guy leading the training camp was also brill.

This is a no-brainer fantasy adventure. For the CSI New York Fans keep a look out for Athena (I think) and another cameo.

I enjoyed this - special effects were good - It was a PG so Leah came (6) and she loved it - a little scary with the snakes etc but it was Holly (11) who actually leapt from her seat about 15 minutes in (The Museum bit with the female teacher) but too be honest thats the only real jumpy bit.

Take the kids and the Grandparents - even if it is preparation to watch the re-make of Clash of The titans out later this year !! COME ON!!

See this if......You want to learn a little Greek Mythology with bond!!

19, Invictus

Don't go into this one thinking you are watching a rugby film. From memory the last one of these that was any good was "Up & Under" with the then, Samantha Janus and even that was pretty dire. but this was different.

Where were you in 1995? I was leaving College, Drunk (most of the time) and really not bothered about politics or what was going on else where in the world. And that is why I had no clue going into see this film about what I was about to witness.

Its a film of 2 parts. Part 1 - Mandela released from prison and elected president of a very split South Africa. This is the politics bit. His own government & security divided between white and black and Mandela's ideas of complete forgiveness and the coming together of a nation. How does he do this, well that's Part 2. And it is beautifully done.

I am not a Rugby Fan, but I didn't need to be. I was totally drawn into the eye opening story of how this man manages to change the views of 43 million other south Africans and probably most of the rest of world along with it.

Early on he enlists the help of Pinnear (Damon) the SA Captain and makes him believe in what is possible with determination and belief. What unveils is a moving true story leading up to the crowning moment of the host nation of the 95' Rugby World cup. The good thing here is that being a true story its as predictable as "Titanic" but it does not matter. I knew who won but I didn't care, The story of how this team led my Pinnear under the support of Mandela changed the way a nation came together was epic. Morgan Freeman was excellent as Mandela and I am not sure if the film is too late for this years Oscar's but he's got my vote.

I can count 3 things in life that divide opinion with such emotion. Religion, Politics & Sport and for this film to cover 2 out of 3 and do it so brilliantly was a pleasure to see.

In Sport in the UK it's either "Red or Blue". In Politics its the same! (with a dash of Green & Yellow) but today I was Green & Gold. Go Boks!!!

I had a lump in my throat by then end. It was Beautiful. I could go on writing about this film. Discussing the casting, the excellent squabbles between the Presidents Security Staff but I wont. Go and see this film. Even if you don't like Rugby and you're a girl. The end is a given, but getting there is remarkable. Clint Eastwood Directs his best movie so far, even though "In the Line of fire" was ace and Damon & Freeman both show why they are (or in Damons case) fast becoming legends.

If I gave star ratings it would be 5* (but that's way too GMTV!!)

See this if...............You want to see Genius on Screen.

18, The Princess and the Frog

Think back - when was the last time you saw a "Cartoon" at the cinema?? Since Toy Story & Monsters Inc have changed the way we all regard animation I cant think of a decent Disney Cinema release that captured the original essence for a long time.

This film takes you back to Disney of old, although its not that dated it resembles the classic cartoon animation that I grew up watching and it was great.

The songs were funny, that characters amusing, the glow bug and the crocodile are amazing and its everything you would want from a classic Disney movie. There is sadness, laughter & a warm fuzzy feeling at the end. It's not too long and the cinema was heaving full of families. I will admit about 25 minutes in a did doze off for a bit but that was only due to being shattered. If you have got nothing planned over half term take the kids to see this - it will bring back memories!!

See this if.............you like Disney how it used to be!

17, Edge of Darkness

Okay, so I was expecting "Ransom" but with an ageing Gibson. Ageing is right, Ransom it is not.

He is "Too Old for this Shit!" It's Official, God hope there is no Lethal Weapon 5 in the pipeline....(Wait while I check IMDB............) Oh Shit!! its out 2012!!

So where is this guy going? He is a cop!! Yawn, again? and this time his Daughter is gunned down on his doorstep. Plot? He thinks its a hit on him but turns out his daughter is campaigning for the planet and nuclear weaponry and has managed to piss off a few big wigs. (On my 6th glass of wine while writing this so excuse obscenities but...) PLEASE !!! Its a bit SHIT!!

I like Gibson, always have (reference MAD MAX in previous Blog) but he is looking old, frail and especially in this one incapable.

I saw Liam Neeson in "Taken" and though he was okay and Hell Yeah! The A-Team re-make with Neeson as Hannibal looks cool but Gibson has got to focus on the "Comedy" Roles. Action Hero has passed and in my opinion and if you have been to the cinema recently and seen Danny Glover hamming it up in the "Orange" Ads then god forbid they re-form for LW5 but I am sure by Blog 212 I will be raving about it, As I did with 1,2,3, & 4 (Love Jet Li)

So that's enough about me speaking about other actors & Movies...what about this one? The villain is unbelievable, The plot is good and standard but there was something about it that was fun, in a "family executed kind of way...(if that makes sense)

Off to see the Rugby flick tomorrow so can't wait - hopefully have more to say.

Night All.

See this if.............You like Ransom, but are prepared to be let down. Sorry Mel.

16, Book of Eli

Right, I had ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE what this was about, never seen a trailer, never read a review.....nothing! So when my good wife, me and the outlaws all pitched up at the local flick I had no clue what to expect.

Post Apocalyptic Thriller...........I am thinking Cyborg, Mad Max etc and to start with I was right. One man's campaign against evil. But to be honest felt a little awkward with the mother in law sitting next to me. 1st 15 minutes sees a fight in silhouette where a few limbs get dismembered by a chainsaw and a kick ass fight scene....okay, not what I was expecting but so far.........bring it on!!!

Then - disaster. It's slow going. The gaps between action are too long and the wild west meets south central LA it a bit beyond belief but Denzel is cool as can be and Syrius Black is great as the villain. Its "Segal" fighting with "Van Damme" prowess - Love him!!

Plot Spoiler (Don't panic, not that great!!) - The bad guys want a copy of the bible??? apparently to bring (evil) order to the uncivilised population, Our Hero, Eli, has the only remaining copy and he has to get it to an ageing dude from Clockwork Orange in Alcatraz who is compiling the worlds greatest remains of civilization to rebuild humanity.......kept up?, good. That's the movie. Prophet, Bad Guy, Chainsaws and Cannibals.

Long, Dull (except the dismembering bits), Crap.

See this if................You liked Mad Max - Same desolate wasteland, Same Bad Guys

15, Its Complicated

When your wife states you are accompanying her to see a chick flick 2 things happen.

1) You sweat profusely, 2 hours of total boredom, I'd rather eat raw chicken's,
2) You wonder why you never bother to fix the floorboards earlier and now would be a great time.

But then something quite strange happens. 5 minutes in you laugh out loud, then a few minutes after, you laugh again. All I can say it this was funnier than I ever thought it could be. Recently I have seen Mama Mia and Julie & Julia and both bored me stupid but this time she was hilarious. Whatever Baldwin Brother it was was also hysterical and it was a welcome change to see Steve Martin as the straight guy!!

The eldest daughters husband is a riot and three scenes will make you laugh way to loud than is normally comfortable in a crowded cinema. The Doctor, The Laptop and the Spliff at the Party are all fantastic and totally switches the usual "kids getting all the fun" to the well deserved adults - took me back!!!

Don't let any preconceptions get in the way - you should watch this. While little Baldwin was swanning around in the Big Brother House preaching the biblical truth his own Big Brother is making guys like me laugh uncontrollably in multiplexes across the UK, basically he is playing the 16 year old kid getting excited about his first lust but being older, fatter and just as daft makes it entertaining and totally watchable.

Watch this if...................you want to be surprised!!

14, Planet 51

This movie puts a unique twist on Humans being the Alien race to a planet in total harmony with BBQ's, Jobs, Homes and flying cars.

Planet 51 is a futuristic world currently experiencing the 1950's with a space age theme. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is the Astronaut sent by us to seek new worlds and what he discovers is a civilised, modern(ish) race of green family's who see Humans as the alien race and treat them as we would if funny green men suddenly turned up.

Animated and in 2D it seemed a little dated compared to recent movies but kept the audience attention and was comical in places.

I don't feel the need to go on too much about this one, it was cute, cuddly and the younger kids will love it.

The "Rock" was nothing special and fell into yet another run of the mill kids flick only by being animated the famous "eyebrow" was not on show - and how it was missed!!

The animation is on the same level as Toy Story and its only redeeming feature is its managed to find an original plot line in relation to planet 51 being the base and we are the aliens, other than that, quite mediocre.

See this if..............The kids want to.

13, Sherlock Holmes

Robert Downey Jnr is fast regaining "Hollywood Cred" as he leaps from one cracking movie to the next and although "Period Drama's" are not my thing I absolutely loved this!!!

It's James Bond for the Early London Age and the fact that the weaponry is basic and the backdrops were stunningly re-created made it even more attractive.

Ritchie's new Muse, Mark Strong (since the Hollywood departure of Jason Statham) appearing in back to back Ritchie films was again awesome and the Watson role taken on my Jude Law was in my opinion one of his best.

I read that the Holmes Deerstalker only appears in a single paragraph in one book and the curved pipe was only introduced by a stage actor playing the part who was so vain as to state "the straight pipe obscures my face, change it!!" and these 2 minor occurrences has led to one of the most recognisable silhouettes in history but apparently not to be. Holmes is a bare knuckle, drunk, womaniser who lives for the chase and in my opinion made the character far more likable than the previously envisaged British Poirot!

The plot is great with the apparent "Rising from the Grave" of one of London's most notorious villain's but Ritchie manages to keep it real by the apparent use of trickery rather than magic and witchcraft which the middle classes of London believe it to be. Utilising skill over technology (because none was available in these times) is a welcome break to the futuristic movies of recent times and its great so see a movie held up solely by its plot and cast rather than CGI (although used in the London recreation) and sci-fi. (with Avatar as the exception!!)

Okay, so to be honest, I did kind of doze off in the middle but only because it was late and I was tired but the finale on the "under development" Tower Bridge was breathtaking and the special effects of recreating a ever generating "New London" was beautifully created.

See this if...................you fancy a good ole' British Crime Thriller

12, Avatar

So here Goes........since starting this Blog there has been one movie I have been looking forward to more than most and I finally got to see the full Real3D experience on Dec 27th. What a Ride!!!

Set to be the fastest $1Billion movie ever made and also primed to overtake Titanic (Cameron again!) as the highest grossing movie ever J.C has once again confirmed himself as Mr Blockbuster. From Alien to Terminator and the Abyss to Rambo II Cameron has excelled as a Writer, Director and Producer and in every case they have been epic - whole worlds created to deliver astonishment and awe as to what is actually capable with story and character plots to match and if not already confirmed as one, the guy is fast becoming a legend!

So with the Cameron gushing over its time to speak about Avatar.

I had extremely high expectations and was totally amazed that everything I expected did not even come close to what I actually saw. Pandora is an amazing re-creation of a forest world and as with Endor in Return of the Jedi it is beautifully set and being 3D made it even more awesome!!! The idea behind the story as excellent and totally drew you into to the conflict between the 2 races. You want the locals to reign supreme as their beliefs of being one with the planet and its elements is heartwarming to the end.

You are sucked into watching our hero, Sully, go through the pain of potentially betraying his own kind but also falling in love with Neytiri (Uhura from the new Star Trek film, although you would never guess)and understanding their pain and exactly how wrong the Humans can be. Excellent performances from Michelle Rodriguez (Fast & Furious)and Giovanni Ribsi (Kip Raines in Gone in 60 Seconds) carried Hollywood Calibre and the Colonel, played by Stephen Lang was one of the Hardest Men ever seen in movie!! - I think he would have eaten Rambo for breakfast!!!

I could go one all day telling you about the creatures and the floating mountains and the marine Weaponry, the ships and the Alien III Inspired walkers but to be honest I still would not do it the justice it deserves.

Its 3 hour duration passes like lightening and at the end you are left totally satisfied. not in a very long time have I used the term "best movie ever" but I think the time has come...

See this if.............You want to see the BEST MOVIE EVER!!! (and 3D is a must!)

11, St Trinians 2

I was not sure how to approach this one. I enjoyed the first film because I loved the originals and it stayed true to its roots, being based entirely on the school grounds and focusing on the actual students but as for the Sequel, I was not entirely sold.

The cast stayed loyal with additional talent including Tennant and Harding but it just seemed to lack something. The jokes were tedious, Sarah Harding came across like she had nothing better to and Tennant was slightly odd??

There were some high points though. Colin Firth was hilarious, Gemma Arterton was as sassy as expected and the girl playing the "CHAV" totally stole the show - it was worth the entrance fee alone to chuckle at the way she portrayed the character which felt closer to home that I hoped it would.

The kids loved it and I am sure it will be gracing the DVD cabinet soon but I think certain parts of the movie made it daft - The story was believable (slightly), after all, Shakespeare could easily have been female!!! and who would not hope that a private girls school was actually like that!! I have 2x daughters ready to sign up but I think the "reality dream" was dampened by the possessed head girl, floating 6 feet above the bed - in my eyes it was one step too far, made it stupid rather than funny and whilst writing this feel that I am getting too old for this Sh....

Cynical I am not, so to round up - it was okay. Don't expect an Oscar winning performance from the Blond "Girl Aloud" but a cracking little cameo from Ricky(Kaiser Chiefs) Wilson was amusing at the beginning and the uniforms will still do it for you!!!

See this if.....................You want to watch a no-brainer!!

10, The Box

I was expecting a fast paced, action thriller with twist, turns, plot surprises and a massive "never saw that coming!" moment at the end, I could not have been more wrong if i tried.

Set in the late 70's its about a young family, she's a teacher, he's a NASA scientist, kid at school, mid American suburbia. Very quickly into the movie a box gets delivered with the premise, push the button and you get £1m, downside, someone you don't know dies. Hmmmmm, enough meat for a story - maybe, did it work?, maybe not.

At this point I was expecting guns, conspiracy theories, maybe a little sex but nope, it just seemed to plod along for about 45 minutes.

The worst thing that a dull movie can do is get confusing and unfortunately it did. The moral of the story can be identified as "what goes around, comes around" and I didn't want to spoil the end of it for you by saying Diaz dies, but she does and in a way, she should, to make the story continue to the next family who put money before life.

The the confusing bit - it's aliens. From Mars. In 1979. I think, still not entirely sure!!! But they inhabit humans making them like zombies, without the moaning and gore and all the things that make really good zombies. The are called "employees" and they appear to be everywhere, pretty much freaking out our beloved Cyclops (x-men) who ends up floating in a water cube, above his sleeping wife and then it floods the house, and they get kidnapped, then returned home, the you think you have sussed it and then it cuts to another family and.............My wife fell asleep. I can understand why.

Its not the gritty thriller I wanted for a Saturday afternoon. Its a 12a, it not scary so much to say one bit WILL make you jump (or scream if you are the girl sitting behind me!) and I took our 11 year old who enjoyed it, but did need an explanation at the end. You WILL understand the "cycle", you WILL understand the ties, you WONT leave feeling it was amazing. The Trailers make it attractive, the reality is it's not all it should be.

and I am getting REALLY bored with the Sigourney Weaver Orange Ad now - CHANGE IT !!!

See this if.......................You didn't know any better!

9, Nativity!

So Christmas is well and truly here and so far, Christmas Movies = 2 Seen (Check!). I definitely think I've done my bit for the "Kiddie Xmas Movies" this year but to be brutally honest - I cant complain about either of them (See earlier Christmas Carol Blog)

There are a few rules when you go and see Nativity!

Rule 1 - TAKE KIDS!!! This is definitely not a movie to see without them and besides, everyone else will take their kids so you will just look silly!

Rule 2 - Don't Expect the Hollywood Elite, The kids are REAL KIDS (barring the Cheeky Monkeys from Britain's got Talent) but other than that they all are normal kids, cast for a BBC movie

Rule 3 - you will think you are watching something by Ricky Gervais, the cast include ex Office & Extras stars so don't be confused!!

Rule 4 - Smile!!, Its heartwarming.

It's not big budget, its not even well acted but it's fun. You want Hollywood to turn up and the kids are Fantastic!!!, keep an eye out for mini Elvis and the kid who's talent is turning purple - they are the best. The star of the whole movie is the Teaching Assistant, Mr Poppy, who delivers a brilliant performance even down to wearing his Parker as a cape (as we all did!) and acting, speaking and behaving throughout the whole film as a kid in the class, rather than a TA in charge of them!!

My wife cried, my daughter laughed and my M&M's ran out all too quickly. Great cameos from Alan Carr and Pam Ferris and all in all a Happy Ending!!!

See this if...............you LURVE Christmas!!!

8, Law Abiding Citizen

My 6 year old daughter loved him in "Nims Island", My Wife loved him in "The Ugly Truth", I loved him in "300 & Rock 'n' Rolla", in-fact it would be hard to find a movie that Mr Gerard Butler has done recently that was not loved by someone. And "Law Abiding Citizen" is Brilliant.

In most films there is a good guy & a bad guy, but this movie manages to take these two roles, switch them round and then return them back, which means you totally understand why Butler does what he does and you also fully believe that Foxx acts how he acts, but on the flip side, Butler goes too far and Foxx should have known better.

As I mentioned in the blog for New Moon, I'm not here to tell you how it ends, but this movie is both sincere & heartwarming as much as it is gruesome and cruel and at every turn you are drawn into the realism of the story and end up questioning how you would act, given the same situation?

Gerard is amazing in this role, The play off of Heartwarming Dad against Psychotic Murderer are evenly placed in the plot and the first 5 minutes are harrowing (whether you are a parent or not!), but at every turn you want him to avenge his family, although the fact that he claims all are guilty, even through association are questionable, but what a movie!!

It's an 18 cert but there is no nudity, no sex, not even extreme language - in fact, the only part that suggested "adult" was the murder of the cell mate (which would have made Wes Craven Smile) but apart from that it was a 15, over and over again.

I left this film moved, satisfied and glad it ended as it did, (spoiler alert!!), Butler, for his actions deserved the ending, Napalm! His murdering of innocents through association was wrong, but the state was on trial by him, not the man, and the the full bloodied belief of failure in the system led him to do what he did. The technical plot of his actions was brilliant and this plays out right up until the end.

If you have kids, you will be moved - you will believe, you will also understand Foxx's position and that of his family and in the end, stand along side the D.E.A, believing justice was served. Albeit, glad that those that died, did. (Except the blonde attorney, she did not need to be there).

See this if...............You question authority and stand for your beliefs!

7, Twilight - New Moon

Every day I seem to hear "The book is better than the film", is it an imagination thing?, does "working it out yourself" always make for a better interpretation or like me, do you just want your stories told in 2 hours, job done, move on?

I have not read the books but I loved the first film and the sequel was always going to have a lot to live up to. This blog is not about explaining story lines but for a snap shot, girl & Vamp are in love, Vamp cant handle pressure & leaves, girl falls for werewolf, vamp gets jealous, werewolf turns hairy, vamp returns, werewolf gets jealous, girl goes back to vamp, it end, ABRUPTLY!!!

So, plot over and I was right, it did have a lot to live up to but how many sequels actually improve on the original?, Empire Strikes Back - Definitely, Ace Ventura - Not a chance and as for Chipmunks 2 - The jury is out until the kids drag me along but nether the less, it was still a cracking movie.

The special effects (mainly the werewolf transformations) were well done, the story ran smoothly, although appears a little slow to get going and the cameo as the head vampire from Mr Clough / Tony Blair / Kenneth Williams / Last weeks Top Gear? (keep up) was excellent.

Before going I ran a facebook vote, Vamps or Werewolves and Vamps won outright, Team Edward was all set for my support and they were right, the Vamps are cooler & sexier and given the choice of being either, VAMP, every time !! Bella definitely shows signs of heartache and you really get involved with her story, losing Edward, falling for Jacob etc but its obvious the outcome, (spoiler alert) but EVERYONE in the cinema was expecting her to be turned at the end and just when you thought Edward was going to do it IT ENDED !!!, just like that ! - Gutted.

Ob the up side, Eclipse (Part 3) is already filmed, in post-production and due for a 2010 release so not too long to wait to see it all come together.

Its a 12a so kiddie friendly, but after nightmares from the youngest after watching "9" and even "Christmas Carol" we decided to leave her at home and glad we did. Werewolf bits are not jumpy as expected but still a few yelps from around the audience and teenage girls all swooning when Jacob and his clan bowl around in denim short and nothing else (given reason - 114c body temp??) (actual reason - female audience!!)

It's good - See this if.................You get "sucked" in !!

6, 2012

I have been looking forward to this movie since the 1st trailer was shown about 6 months ago. I love CGI Extravaganza movies and was gutted when I heard everybody slate this film. Radio 1 - Hated it!, The Guardian - Hated it! in fact, it was hard to find anyone who vaguely liked it.

But I have no idea what they are all taking about. Yes, the CGI is pretty much throughout the entire movie but I agree with Chris Moyles, how the hell can you make a movie about the end of the world without CGI!!

Two of my Favourite movies of all time are Gross Point Blank and Pushing Tin, fair enough they are not that well known but John Cusack is in both of them and he is ace!!! This does not disappoint, the everyday Joe turned hero who happened to work for a Russian Billionaire (as his chauffeur).

The movie kicks off with the discovery that devastation is coming 3 years in advance and the government goes about planning what to do. Luckily, a camping trip into Yellowstone Park for Cusack and the kids leads to information that the end is nigh from a hippy conspiracy theorist (Woody Harrelson) and Cusack takes it under advisement until things start to pan out as predicted. After about half an hour the pace kicks off and bring on the special effects!! It does not stop from then on and after 3hrs of it I could still have watched it over again!!!

The whole thing leads to pretty much half of the east coast collapsing into the sea, this brings on Tsunami's and characters on land, sea and air all get hit with a variety of mega natural disasters. It's every disaster movie you have ever seen rolled into one and the main cast are brilliantly played out.

Once the East Coast vanishes its a race to find the only safe ground where a plan is in place to save about 300,000 of the entire population. I won't spoil the end plot, other than it all goes to shit but the "plan" they come up with is slightly believable and the Chinese appear to save the day, as always.

This is an awesome movie, don't believe the (bad) hype and if you like Action, Disasters, Explosions, Special Effects etc then check it out. Cusack is under appreciated in the lead role and is brilliant.

Since O'Bama came to power its inevitable that Black Actors now get a shot at being "The Man" and normally you would expect Morgan Freeman to lead from the front but the ageing legend steps aside to allow Danny "Lethal Weapon" Glover into the fray and he does a great job.

See this if...........You Want a Great CGI Experience!! - Its Brill!

5, A Christmas Carol

Okay, So we all know the story. Scrooge, 3 Ghosts, Cratchett, Tiny Tim, Blah Blah Blah!!! and so far, The Muppets Version is AWESOME !!! But this one really does cut the mustard!!

I have seen a few 3D movies now since the new revolution (even at xtra cash per movie!!) but so far it has all been a few 3D bits here and there...............not any more!!!

This movie is Excellent, 3D from start to finish, It takes the story that we all know and love. Add Jim Carey, Sirius Black & Mr Darcey and all of a sudden the film takes off. It's a Disney PG so of course it screams KIDS!!! but mine shit a brick to say the least. Yes it's got ghosts, death, etc but when you introduce Devil Horses, The Grim Reaper with claw hands, a creepy Marley with a green face and dodgy teeth & 3D it makes kids jump (and adults, the guy behind me kicked my seat 4 times!!).

But I loved it!!! Not as a cartoon / animation but a story made real and great use of the 3D technology. The next 3D one I see will probably be Avatar and that is supposed to be awesome so hopefully the 3D phenomenom is now worth the money (and we can re-use the specs)

See this if...........Just See it!!

4, The Men Who Stare at Goats

Oceans 11,12 & 13. The Peacemaker, The Big Lebowski, The Usual Suspects, American Beauty.......All Amazing Movies, so tell me how so much talent can combine to make such a dull, unfunny, tedious and completely pointless movie.

I am usually the optimist when it comes to movies but it has been a very long time since I saw people actually walk out of a movie, especially at £7.50 a pop with an additional £300 for popcorn and drinks.

It was useless!!! in fact, the 2 minute 46 second trailer combined the total comedy in the whole movie in to a tiny space and like the packed movie theatre, I was sucked in by Jeff Bridges jumping off a roof, George Clooney hitting a rock in the middle of a baron desert and Kevin Spacey attempting to predict the future and in reality I should have seen "This is it" instead.

The only saving grace was Ewan McGregor being the only one not believing in the "Jedi Soldier" status when we all know that he is the only true Jedi in the movie!!!

See this if...........Inf act don't unless its a choice between this or losing a limb. In fact, sod it....Lose a limb!!

3, "9"

Lets start with the highlights.

1. It was in the posh screen with nice comfy armchairs.
2. It was quiet, only 7 people in the screen.
3. It was Tim Burton!!!

Now I love Tim Burton, The original Batman, Edward Scissorhands, Beetlejuice etc. Now, as a producer its his first film since "Corpse Bride" in 2005 and as a director his last film was "Sweeney Todd" in 2007 so it was nice to see something new from him. And it did not disappoint!!

Barring "Alice in Wonderland" due out 2010 (and planning to be very good indeed) this was his best film for a long time. The story was good, the Animation was excellent and the cast of voices was pretty impressive. Elija Wood headed the cast with the title role and Christopher Plummer, John C Reily, Jennifer Connelly, Crispin Glover & Martin Landau played the other "Sack Men"

The character names were very easy to remember (1 through 9) and the machine was called "The Machine". Simples!

The sets were like every ones favourite "Little big Planet" environments and the effects for the explosions were great.

Basically, World destroyed by Machines and all humans died out. 9 Creatures have been created by an inventor (who also invented the machine that took over the world, masterminded by Nazi looking dude's) who passes a piece of his soul into each of them so a non mechanical presence remains on earth and all is going fine until "9" accidentally wakes up the machine!! - All hell breaks loose and a mission is launched to defeat the machine, win the day and save an extremely small population!!.

Sadly, not all survive and my little girl did find this upsetting, but its a 12a and deservedly so. The "Baddie animation" of the Machine, A Robotic skull dog and a baby doll faced Cobra (Think the baby head doll spider thing in Toy Story, only much scarier!!) were fantastic and definately stole the show. The sack men were great with little zips housing the mechanical workings, telescopic eyes and gadget filled backpacks. Loved it!

Yes, kids under 10 will jump at the jumpy bits, but that's part of the fun.

This is a really good kid / adult movie, in fact of the 7 people visiting 5 were adults.

See this if.........Batman (Original) made you smile and you like dark animation.

2, The Spiderwick Chronicles

Okay so this isn't a new film, infact its been around a while, but..... it is Halloween and it was the kiddie club flick at the cinema today (£1) so, family in tow, we all headed off.

I think it was a PG, not entirely sure but all in all it was not too bad. For those that don't know the story a mum and her 3 kids head to a spooky house in the middle of nowhere after her marriage breaks down. The house was left to them by a crazy great aunt who now resides in a nut house due to claiming her father was taken away by fairies!!!

BUT, in all good movie plot lines she was of course totally correct and roll on a barrage of goblins, hobgoblins, trolls etc. The special effects were good, with a great little "Dobby" style character who lives in the house and has done for the past 80 years. A secret book "the Field guide" is basically being hunted for by the evil baddie dude who can end the world as we know it if he gets his hands on it.

Normally you would expect Bruce Willis or Arnie to storm through right about now but our hero is none other than one of two twin brothers, who quite quickly identifies the entire history of the "chronicles" and manages to recruit his slightly nerdy twin, older irritating sister and 2 friendly creatures to assist in protecting the book and defeating the bad trolls.

Obviously after recruiting the help of the not so nutty aunt, our heroes end up saving the day and even managing to summon a griffin to rescue the 125 year old original writer of the field guide and reunite him with his daughter (the aunt) who decides to go back with him to the land of the fairies (ahhhh)

It's on Sky Movies so don't buy it. But the Trolls etc look good on the big screen so if its on near you, and is showing for a quid, you could do a lot worse.

See this if..........It's part of Kids Club or you fancy a kiddie friendly up to date "Labyrinth / Willow" style movie without the Celebs.

1, Fantastic Mr Fox

I know I am starting with a kids film, but it's day one and its the only one I've seen since starting this so here goes....

I never really understood the term "The book is better than the film", infact, I never found any real enjoyment from reading anything except "Look-In" Magazine as a kid and more recently "Official Playstation" but when you have kids of your own and part of the job involves reading to them it all of a sudden becomes a slightly different story!!

I remember this book as a kid. Actually, I remember all the Roald Dahl ones growing up, its all I ever read through choice, that was until I got my first Sega Master System!!

Obviously this story needed padding out to make a movie, the book itself can be done and dusted in about 60 minutes max so it was interesting to see what Wes did with it. The first thing that jumps out is the cast. Clooney, Streep, Gambon, Wilson, Murray to name a few but even I had to IMDB Schwarzman to find out what he had been in (and even then was still not sure!) but him aside the level of "hollywood" names was a definate draw and made up for the animation.

Now I have seen Up!, Think the trailer for Christmas Carol looks awesome, Can't wait for Avatar and even understand the logic behind "9" but I cant work out if the aim of this film was to try something new, take a step backwards in technology or merely the budget ran out due to the cost of the cast!!! Dissapointing is an understatement. Luckily the story sees it though and the "Clooney / Streep" relationship between Mr & Mrs Fox makes any slightly childlike, fun loving husband who is definately glad to be married to a sensible woman / fox take his side throughout the whole film.

The Kids enjoyed it but I could not help but imagine "Tarantino" directed it and tried to think of all the different words he would have used to replace "cuss" which cropped up everytime a character needed to make a point, "What the Cuss was that?", Who the Cuss does he think he is?" and more. Now imagine Tarantino was at the helm, you get my point!!!

The story stayed true to the book except for Kristofferson (Mr Fox's Nephew) and the secondary sub plot of the competition between Mr Fox's Son and the "highly athletic" cousin holds amusement for all of about ten minutes but wears out quicker than the Stig on a rocket.

Overall, enjoyable - Michael Gambon sounded the best, The kids had a good time and to be honest, more people were next door watching "This is It"



See this if............You remember it as a child and the kids make you go!