Wednesday, 30 May 2012

199, Dark Shadows

Here we go - another totally 'original' Tim Burton movie which previews relative Burton newcomers Depp and Bonham Carter in what looks on the surface like a spooky romp through a ghostly looking house with a few vampires thrown in for good measure.  What a nice change! 

Okay, so I'm being sarcastic and in the main - Burton, Depp and Carter collaborations are expected every few years but for me, the franchise is wearing a little thin. 

I'm sorry guys - but I'm getting a little bored with what is now a repetitive and pointless romp through spookyville and Depp has proved in recent years he is capable of sooooooooo much more. 

Dark Shadows introduces us to the live of Barnabas Collins.  A son of a business leading aristocrat living in the 1700's.  As heir to a the Collins empire, so vast the town was named after them a young Depp ignores the lusting allure of a housemaid only to be cursed as a vampire and buried alive for 200 years when the alluring maid turns out to be a witch.  Skip forward to the 1970's our hero's coffin is located and Depp is dug up only to seek return to the family home and request solitude alongside the slightly odd Collin's dwellers now in residence.

The issue I had with this movie was the actual point of it - Burton seemed to chuck his entire arsenal at it with Depp having to switch from comedic vampire, stuck in the future and having to deal with life's little upgrades which added a chuckle and a skip along to the Addams family ensemble but a few seconds later he goes all 'Hammer Horror' and rips the throats out of some hippy dudes just chilling with a simple spliff.

The other thing was the speed of the movie.  I reckon if could of been over in 45 minutes if they all spoke normal speed but its just which I'm sure is the vampire way but it was slow, dull, uninteresting and repetitive.

The king of vampires Christopher Lee even managed to snag a cameo but even he was under used and relative pointless.  Bonham Carter seemed to be there just because her hubby was directing in a role completely insignificant to the plot and in the worst latex body suit ever perceived which made her more look like the trunk of a tree with boobs resting under her chin than the seductive demon'ess' we have grown to love in the Potter movies.

Then there was Johnny Lee Miller - Lets just put it this way - Johnny, I still (to this day) love you as Sick-Boy in Train spotting and I for one will never forget your stunning role in my favourite movie of all time (Hackers) but you came across weird and unimpressive.

The final disappointment was Chloe Moretsz (Hit Girl from Kick-Ass)  I REALLY want to like you, honest - I really do - her portrayal as the knife wielding psycho kid in aforementioned movie was awesome but its all gone Pete Tong and for some reason at the end of the movie she 'transforms' (no actual spoilers) but there is no explanation and it just automatically didn't fit!


Pfeiffer and Depp were on top form - proof again that talent is what talent does and these two have more than made their mark in my mind and regardless of plot, supporting cast, story, Director etc still bring their A-Game at each occurrence.  Depp was funny, suave, gruesome and I feel that if this does well then its him carrying Burton and the day Johnny says no to Tim is the day Tim's stops to make movies.

Pfeiffer is always a goddess - regardless.  Love her.

So - its repetitive, boring and slow - if you've seen one you've seen them all.  I hope, should anyone of note read this they can take constructive criticism well as Burton and Carter reside in the same village as my Mum and I'd hate for her to be ignored at the Bakers. :)